Turkey for Thanksgiving is a hassle. There, I said it. 

Why are we so bound by tradition for the sake of doing what’s always been done?

This year, during my post-meal mindless social media scrolling, I was proud to witness several of my timeline pals boast throwing the classic main dish imperative out the window for less complicated options including roast beef and an even bolder resistance, smoked salmon.

Similarly outdated and long overdue for a substitution in the child welfare space is the investigation and risk assessment model for all system-involved families. 

On November 8, 2023, the Thriving Families, Safer Children Kentucky site team gathered for a working session to plan for 2024 priority action items. A Partnersgiving potluck was also held with the theme of “Being a Community Partner Supporter” (from Lean on Me KY’s Community Supporter).

And that’s where Thriving Families, Safer Children, a nationwide movement to toss out family surveillance as the social service staple and reimagine a just and equitable child and family well-being system instead, comes in.

It sounds so idealistic, but what does that really mean? And is it even possible? 

Admittedly, despite my up-close involvement in the work, I started asking myself these very questions not too long ago.

The origin of tradition is history, so let me backup the story a bit.

A few years ago, not even six months after my second instance of child welfare involvement, Kentucky submitted a letter of intent to adopt the guiding principles of Thriving Families, Safer Children. A couple months later, I joined the team. 

Who am I? Well, if “your hands are full” was a person, that’s me.

Statistically, I’m not supposed to make it. My kids aren’t supposed to make it. Our family isn’t supposed to make it. 

This past October, for the first time in over 10, maybe even 15 years, I was slated to chance disappearing in the Bermuda Triangle. Okay, I was actually scheduled for an 85-minute domestic flight, but basically the same thing. Even worse, I had definitely never done this with even one child, let alone three. 

It was during this undertaking, however, that I had a glimpse of the vision I was part of working toward, actualized. I was reminded of my WHY. 

The journey began at our local airport. I went up to the ticket counter with the travel receipt I was provided by corporate booking, little ones in tow. In accordance with Murphy’s Law, at our first station, something went wrong; there was an error with one of my kids’ tickets. 

As a seasoned veteran of having to prove my qualifications through the verification, documentation, and endless recertification safety net benefit framework, I was used to having to pay the merciless price for administrative error. To my surprise, though, without even having to plead my case to the CEO of Delta Air Lines himself, the agent fixed the mistake on her end without asking anything of me.

Disarmed by a potential burden relieved, I shared that it was the children’s first time flying. Another airline representative immediately pranced over and brought the children miniature plush airplanes and stamped their first stop in passport books. 

We were on our way. Not too many steps down the hallway, we encountered our next potential obstacle–passing Dunkin Donuts. Right on cue, my older kiddos made their impassioned requests in unison. Anticipating an unreasonable airport upcharge, my audible response was “We might not be able to get any. These donuts are probably $20 each.” 

We braved the line anyway. Overheard by the lady in front of us, when we got to the register, we were handed an entire bag of paid-it-forward donut holes. The donuts themselves were not as costly as I expected. And on top of that, the workers themselves added full-sized extras in the boxes. What could have been a major disappointment meltdown turned into a sugar rush surplus.

We arrived at the departure gate unscathed. Although we didn’t get magically upgraded to First Class (one could dream), we were eligible for priority family boarding.

Fast forward to landing. Here’s where things took a turn for the worse. 

Now in an international airport in a much larger city, in combination with my chronic difficulty with spatial orientation, I got lost right away. We took an elevator to what seemed to be the basement. A service employee with a badge had to help us get out of there. They decided to stay and escort us to another elevator, a train across 5 stops, up an escalator and all the way to ground transportation where someone was walking around in a pineapple costume ready to give my kids high fives. At that exact moment, my phone made an unexpected notification sound for a text alerting me that a pre-arranged driver had arrived to take us to our hotel. 

For one day, I experienced what a functioning network of child, family, and community support could really look like. It was as though everyone along the way had all gotten the message ahead of time that we were coming and to be prepared to see us through. Someone was opportunely positioned at every checkpoint where something could have gone wrong–where we could have failed–and saw us to our next stop.

In life, and parenting, there’s bound to be varying levels of turbulence. We can all expect it. But if we preventatively service the plane before the flight, offer a menu of light snacks and beverage options while in the air, and equip the craft with oxygen masks and floatation devices in case of emergency, we can bolster the chances for a safe landing for all who board. 

We can ensure that more families make it.

KY SEAT In-Person Working Session November 16, 2023. KY SEAT is a council for mothers and fathers advocating for parents to be heard, understood, and receive support. For more information, including member videos and how to apply, visit kyyouth.org/kyseat.

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Thriving Families, Safer Children (TFSC) is now supported by lived expert leaders and five national partner organizations partners including Casey Family Programs, Prevent Child Abuse America, The Annie E. Casey Foundation, The National Center for Injury Prevention and Control at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), and the U.S. Children’s Bureau.

Kentucky led the charge to uphold the commitment as an engaged site by addressing the distinction between poverty and neglect, creating a child welfare agency division dedicated to prevention and wellbeing, growing the network of community partnerships, and implementing team-approaches with families who would most benefit from support. In line with the same principles, the Kentucky Court of Justice’s Judicial Commission on Mental Health and the Administrative Office of the Courts have been listening to community and families served through town halls and statewide mapping. These efforts, along with the ongoing execution of the regional prevention collaboratives’ strategies, demonstrate the statewide shift and momentum of child and family wellbeing efforts and value Kentucky is placing on hearing from those impacted to inform system improvement and respond to community needs. 

For the latest updates on Thriving Families, Safer Children Kentucky partners, initiatives, priorities, and successes including increased father-inclusive programming and fatherhood engagement efforts, listening to the voices of lived experience such as former foster youth, and the utilization of the protective factors framework for prevention, visit kyyouth.org/tfscky.