November is National Adoption Month. The best way to understand the impact of adoption is to hear the stories of the people who have lived it. The stories below are from the perspectives of an adoptive parent and her daughter.
Hi, my name is Ms. Pat.
I have been asked to write a little something on foster care and adoption I am not a writer, but here it goes. I have been a foster parent for 43 years and have three children that I gave birth to and have adopted three children from the system they were in. None of the children I fostered asked to come to my home, and most did not want to go into foster care. So, when people say they want to go into foster care or into an adoptive home, this is incorrect. Most want to live with their birth parents, but often this is not in their best interest.
I believe we need more people to open up their hearts and allow a child that they did not give birth to, to fill it full, but not in the normal way. The children I want them to fill it with are children that, for no fault of their own, are not able to live with a family that gave birth to them. Either because something bad happened to their parents or, worse, bad things have happened to them. Whichever the case is, these children need a safe place to grow in—both through foster care, if they can return home, or through adoption, if they don’t have a home that is safe to return to. Again, this is not because they did anything bad. These children have experienced many things in their short lives that most of us could never imagined and would be horrified if we knew.
When a child comes in my home, I am happy I can help make their life better and have a chance to bring a young person in to share everything I have to offer. But on the other hand, the child has learned not to trust, so they are often not happy and don’t feel safe. Sometimes these young people have been moved more than just once from their parents’ home. They have had court dates and the judge has told tell them who will be their parents and what school they will attend. The child has had to leave everything that they knew to live with you, so no they are not happy.
If a child is going into adoption, this means that at best they have been with one foster home, but that is not often the case. If they are lucky, that foster family has bonded with the child and wants that child to join their family. Unfortunately this often not the case., and the child is put on a list of children waiting to be adopted.
Most of the children in foster care come with their own issues. After years of not having a normal life, we are asking these children to blend into a family without any trouble. I, for one, can’t stay more than a week with relatives without wanting to go home. But, this is their new home, their new adoptive home. The children are frighten and so are the new parents, but together this can be a special bond unlike no other.
My first adoptive child was only a baby and I felt that with love I could overcome all the prenatal damage that was done. But, due to no fault of his own, he has had many issues and will the rest of his life. With that being said, I have never regretted his adoption and he has taught me so much. He is 21 years and, with all of his challenges, he tries hard every day to be a good person. Also, my first adoptive daughter just started her first job. She has been with our family for about 6 years and I know she will grow up and be a great person. My newest daughter will have a chance to become all she wants to be and she has the ability to become something great.
So, do I believe adoption is great? Yes, yes, yes, I do! But, don’t expect that the child you want to adopt comes without baggage. Remember, if they had a great past, we would not have the honor of calling them a new son or daughter!
I wonder what they are like? Will they treat me like family? But most importantly, will they learn to love me through all of my flaws?
These are the things that I asked myself when I met a new family. My name is Haylee Jade Dubert; my last name Dubert was officiated on May 9, 2017 when I was adopted by my new mom, Patricia. But, this isn’t about how and when I got adopted. This about how it felt when I met my amazing family and when my amazing family met me.
Did I know that Patricia Dubert was going to adopt me? No, I came into her home scared and had hope that I wouldn’t have to move again until I found my forever. But, the truth is, my forever family found me. It was nerve wracking to wait for the adoption papers to come through. I wanted to be adopted as soon as possible before anything happened to where I couldn’t get adopted. I wanted to be with my new family so that I would never have to be moved from home to home and I would always know that I have somewhere and someone to come home to. And that they would be there for me through every moment of anger, sadness, and happiness.
After I figured out that I wasn’t going to be with my dad anymore, I was devastated. I thought that no one would ever love me like my dad. But, my new family does and they might even love more than my dad. I have fallen madly in love with my new forever family and I wouldn’t trade them for the world. I mean, they are weird just like me. I believe that God has a plan for everyone and I believe that He found me this family and I know that his plans are not done.
I have a family that will forever and unconditionally love me and I will forever and unconditionally love them because they are my home and my heart forever.
Learn more about becoming an adoptive or foster parent: adopt.ky.gov