By Dequantay Smith, member of REFORM Louisville

Holidays are really the hardest times for kids whose parents are locked up. Those are the days that are supposed to be family days. You think, “I’m supposed to be with my family today.” 

I had that experience when Memorial Day came around. I was staying with my aunt and great-grandmother during that time. We had a family gathering at a park for the holiday. Everybody was happy, barbecuing and stuff. Everything felt normal until I got there, and everyone started talking about family and memories. And your parent is not there. 

I’m good with hiding my thoughts and feelings. But after the day was over, I was feeling really heavy. I had held everything in all day. Everyone kind of expected me to boop out, so I had learned to control my emotions and thoughts. I didn’t want them to be right about that. Nobody really knew what I was going through. You have aunties and uncles that love you and stuff, but it’s not the same as a parent. 

As Christmas is coming up, we can take some extra steps to help children who are missing parents who are locked up. Especially at Christmas; it’s such a hard time for kids. 

Kids who are missing their parents need more attention. The adults in their lives need to be more attentive to them. Those kids are probably feeling like the Grinch. 

Spending more time with the kids would be helpful. Also finding some time to help the child speak with their parent on the holiday. If I could, I would put money on their phone to be able to make a call to talk with their loved one. The child can know that the parent still loves them unconditionally. 

That’s what kids want to hear, and when your parent is locked up, it’s hard to remember that. Kids can also feel resentful to their parents, so helping them connect is good. Help the child visit the parent, send a picture, or make a phone call. 

Taking that action for the child would make a big difference. 

 

If you’re interested in learning more about ways to support children with a parent who is incarcerated, check out this guide Kentucky Youth Advocates created with support from the Kentucky Social Welfare Foundation.