By Ashlee, KY SEAT member

Content Notice: This blog contains information about physical assault and/or violence which may be upsetting to readers.

Half of child welfare cases in Kentucky include domestic violence as a leading risk factor. For several members of KY SEAT, a statewide parent council using their lived experiences with systems impacting families to effect positive change, this subject is close to home. 

“I don’t remember a lot of what happened. I was holding the baby–she was 10 months old at the time. He punched me repeatedly in the face while I was holding her. I got on the floor to protect her, and he kicked my body with steel toes on.”

“We had to go to family court 2-3 times in the beginning. They always put us in a room close to one another, right outside the courtroom. CPS made contact two days after the incident. They ordered me to receive mental health therapy, complete parenting classes, take a drug test, and continue maintaining proper care of my child. All he did was go to jail for 80 days–nothing more.”

Under current Kentucky law, domestic violence includes an act of physical or sexual assault, stalking, or inflicting fear of imminent injury. 

“I was with him for 7 years. It made it awful to leave. I kept forgiving him. He financially abused me. He emotionally abused me. He physically abused me. Emotional abuse is the worst for me, I think. I still deal with the aftereffects sometimes. He told me I was nothing. He told me I was a bad mom and was going to continue to be one. He told me I’d never be anything. He told me I’d always rely on people. I did rely on the food pantry…for meals. I remember when I was pregnant, how awful it was when he withheld money for food. I craved cheeseburgers. He wouldn’t give me grocery money. He said I didn’t need it.”

A research brief from the Center for Financial Security includes findings from a study on domestic violence survivors in which 99% of participants had experienced economic abuse. 

Even today, Ashlee is still dealing with financial impacts.

Just last year, her bathroom ceiling caved in, and the management company refused to fix it until code enforcement got involved. When she went to apply for new housing using her Section 8 voucher, her applications kept getting denied. She found out the unit she and her child fled from had charged over $2,000 in fees for property damage from her attack as well as breaking the lease that he had left unpaid in her name.

We all play a role in keeping children–and their non-offending parents–safe. Family violence can be hard to recognize at times, especially when it is not physical. It may be difficult to prove subtle tactics and patterns that an intimate partner can perpetuate, including post-separation. Signs of an unsafe relationship outside of, and oftentimes leading up to, physical violence can include pathological lying, chronic boundary violations, intentionally moving or hiding someone’s car keys, deliberately provoking a reaction, or gift-giving as a form of manipulation. 

Especially during October as Domestic Violence Awareness Month, we’re raising awareness that, whether or not physical incidents do occur, intimate partner violence in all its forms leaves behind invisible scars. Parents and their children deserve support, so they don’t have to go through it, or heal afterward, alone. 

“I almost lost my life. But we are not victims. My daughter and I are survivors. We are both strong and kind human beings. I’ve learned to love myself more than anyone else in this world ever could. I’m proud of myself.”

Abuse knows no gender, race, age, or status; it can happen to anyone. If you or someone you know has questions about domestic violence, you can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1(800) 799- SAFE or find local resources here.

KY SEAT, through a collaborative partnership of Kentucky Youth Advocates and the Department for Community Based Services, is a statewide council of birth parents advocating for and empowering others who have past experience with the child welfare system.

To find resources for parents, caregivers, and youth involved with the child welfare system process, check out https://kythrivingfamilies.org/.