By: Brandi W., KY SEAT Member

Experiencing the holidays without my children is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. I remember it like it was yesterday. 

It was Christmas morning, and I had spent the last 16 Christmas mornings with my kids—except for this one. My daughter had been taken out of my custody the October before due to educational neglect. She had not been abused or neglected; she simply did not go to school because she was being bullied. Despite my efforts to get her up every morning, my two jobs meant she often stayed home, and by the time I realized, it was too late.

What emotions was I feeling at this time? Sadness, anger, and jealousy.

I was sad, and still get sad when I think about it to this day, that I was not there when my daughter woke up on Christmas morning. Anger, because I was angry at myself for not paying enough attention to her attendance at school. And jealousy, because someone else was with my daughter on Christmas morning, watching her open gifts in her pajamas like I had done every year of her life.

There were many things I did during that holiday season to keep my spirits up. I made myself get up every day, get ready, go to work, and complete everything on my case plan.

First and foremost: communicate. Build a rapport with your child’s foster parents. They may have custody at the moment, but they are still human. You never know how welcoming they might be until you try. They might have their own anxieties about the holidays too. In my experience, my family invited my daughter’s foster mom to our family Christmas, along with the other two girls she was caring for. She accepted, and it was wonderful to spend that time together. This is where the phrase “the more, the merrier” took on a new, deeper meaning for me. It wasn’t a Hallmark movie moment, but sometimes we have to make the best of what we have.

Other things to keep in mind during the holidays: take care of yourself. Self-care is vital. Surround yourself with people who bring out the best in you and make you feel good. Drink plenty of water and get plenty of rest.

Remember, this is all temporary. Work your case plan, do everything you’re supposed to do, and things will come full circle. Keep your head held high. You are not alone in this. Please reach out to someone if you need to.

Much love and happy holidays, Brandi W.

KY SEAT, through a collaborative partnership of Kentucky Youth Advocates and the Department for Community Based Services, is a statewide council of birth parents advocating for and empowering others who have past experience with the child welfare system.

To learn more information and resources about what parents, caregivers, and youth experience throughout the child welfare system process, visit kythrivingfamilies.org.

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